Article: Hate feeling like the loner at social events?

5 quick tips to get included.

Do you have an anxiety attack whenever you have to go somewhere without a plus one and you don’t know anyone? Do you worry you’ll feel and look like a loner?

Does the thought of walking into a room alone make you feel almost nauseous?

Learning how to socialise can be a nerve wracking skill to develop, nonetheless it is an important skill to develop and a key to making you more approachable. If you are concerned about coming across as a loner, these helpful steps will improve your image and help you appear less like a loner and more sociable. 

Avoid feeling like the loner at social events #1

Learn how to make a strong entrance into the room so you don’t end up checking your phone or finding the closest chair in the corner.  This means before you walk through the door, think about the impression you are trying to create and it certainly shouldn’t be an awkward person who has to pretend that there’s something important on their phone. Plan what you will do from the second you walk through the door to the moment you meet your first person. You can take our Social Brand of You course, which will teach you exactly how to do this!

Avoid feeling like the loner at social events #2

Ask Questions! – Most people that suffer from social anxiety tend to not know what to talk about with strangers. But the secret is that you don’t have to know what to talk about! It is said that the best conversationalists speak the least and ask the most questions. When you ask someone a question, you are essentially telling them that you value their opinion, and that you are interested in them.  Not only that but we find it very charming when someone takes such a great interest in us. 

Great ice breaker questions are:

• So what brought you to this event?
• How do you know the host or the happy couple?
• What do you think of the conference so far?
• Is this your first time here?

Avoid feeling like the loner at social events #3

Don’t overlook the details in conversation – We have all been there. You get so nervous when talking to strangers you start worrying and questioning whether what you’re doing is right. As a result you stop listening to what is being said and miss all the potential points where you could be asking questions to convey your interest. The more you listen, the more questions you will have to ask. And remember the best conversationalists speak the least and ask the most questions. A student once shared a lesson with me, ‘If you take the time to look the other person in the eye, you will see that they are just as nervous as you.  Instead of worrying about how nervous you are, instead, your concern should be over ‘How do I make this person feel comfortable and important to me?’

Avoid feeling like the loner at social events #4

Open up that Body Language – Body language is an important indicator of how you feel about yourself. If you want to convey approachability put your shoulders back, straighten your spine, and hold your head high. Generally men can stand with one hand in a pocket which gives off the impression that they are relaxed and comfortable. Ladies can stand in the hesitation position as seen below.In addition to that, taking a confident posture also has the added bonus of convincing the brain that you are confident and victorious. Avoid crossing your arms or legs whilst talking to someone as this reflects that you are either nervous or disinterested.  If you are interested in Body Language, check out our upcoming Online Body language Masterclass

Avoid feeling like the loner at social events #5

Don’t show up late – Showing up late is one way of making it much harder to join a group of strangers. Firstly, if you show up late you’ll miss those first early moments where people are alone or waiting for their friends, those are the best moments to introduce yourself and try to build a connection with those people. This also gives you an opportunity to get comfortable with your surroundings so instead of feeling like the nervous guest, you become the confident host. If you arrive later, people who were on their own have already found groups to join and won’t be as open to newcomers as they were, when they were alone. 

For more tips on how to join groups of strangers check out our blog on ‘Tired of standing in the awkward corner? Learning how to join new groups at events’

So in summary, here are 5 quick tips to help you stop feeling like a loner at social events. Think about how you will walk into the room and what you will do next, take an interest in other people and what they have to say, ask them questions when you can’t think of anything to talk about, check your body language and arrive on time! 5 quick and easy-to-implement tips that will help you at your next event.