Have you ever wondered why you are able to get on with some people, and why you aren’t able to get along with others? Why you feel so connected at times and yet, at other times can feel so disconnected? In this blog you will discover the secret to connection with anyone.
For a lot of people these powerful moments of connection happen spontaneously and quite by chance. And when they do, most people are never really aware of what they did in order to create that connection.
It happens in those moments, when you are able to share with someone an unvarnished story, your true thoughts or feelings, or even your deepest insecurities. In other words, the things that make you feel and appear vulnerable and quite frankly, real.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, ‘vulnerability’ is one of the secrets to connection and it is extremely difficult to connect without it.
The problem is that we have been conditioned to think of vulnerability as weakness.
In the words of Karen Young, “We’ve made ourselves ‘strong’. We’ve toughened up, hardened up and protected ourselves from being hurt. We’ve protected ourselves from vulnerability and disallowed the surrender. Here’s the problem. When we close down our vulnerability we are shielded from hurt, but we are also shielded from love, intimacy and connection. They come to us through the same door. When we close it to one, we close it to all.”
In order to understand this better, you need to know that connection is based on a fundamental principle of the saying ‘People like people that are like themselves.’ Think about what makes you like your partner currently or your friends for that matter? Usually it’s because you have similar views and interests or shared life experiences. So with this idea of people liking people that are like themselves. Let me ask you this question – who is perfect?
The answer is no one perfect.
So if no one is perfect, and everyone is flawed, why do you people pretend to be perfect in the hopes that people will like them better if they appear to have no flaws?
This is your intervention…
If you would like to be able to create a connection with anyone you choose, it starts with learning how to express your vulnerabilities in a healthier way. Don’t shy away from it as a belief that you are exposing your weaknesses, but rather being brave enough to show people that you are not perfect and you don’t have all the answers. This gives them permission to do the same, and that is where connection lies.
Now that you know our little secret to finding endless depths of compassion and connection with others, I would like to leave you with a challenge.
Try it…Set the scene, take your partner for a wonderful dinner, pop open a bottle of wine, and share something with them that makes you truly feel vulnerable, and see what magic transpires. In fact, there is a questionnaire that is called, 36 Questions to Fall in Love. It is believed that to fall in love with someone or to build a closeness with someone, you need to foster mutual vulnerability. It’s actually a pretty fun exercise to do with your partner. I would encourage checking it out.
In closing, vulnerability is in fact quite the opposite of weakness, it in fact a strength. Having the humility to expose your vulnerabilities shows a true judge of someone’s character, someone who doesn’t try to lord their success and strength over you but welcomes you to share in their truth.
If you liked this article and would like to learn how to completely transform your communication style, and be able to build and enhance the relationships you already have, then perhaps you should try the Conversational Intelligence Online Course, and learn how to improve your CIQ.